


New People, Good Old Stimming

by CaptCara



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Autism, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Comfort, F/F, M/M, Shutdowns, angst turn to fluff, fears of being left behind, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7816783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptCara/pseuds/CaptCara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith had known he had autism since he was 5 and had since dealt with others not always liking him for it.</p><p>But now he is in a new town and maybe now things will turn around for him with some new friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New People, Good Old Stimming

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!!!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this fic and that this might have given you to read up on autism. 
> 
> And as always, if I make any mistakes, such as with grammar or with some facts, do comment and I will fix them.

I can still remember the day that I was diagnosed with autism at age 5.

My mom was getting concerned that I wasn’t actively making any sorts of friends my own age and thought that the absence of my dad had something to do with that. So she took me to a child's psychologist where they officially diagnosed me. 

I hated too bright lights at times and hated loud noises. I still do, but I have learned how to best deal with it. My psychiatrist had given me my first stim toy. A red tangle that I still own in my closet, even though it's broken. I also liked having schedules to follow, which always calmed me. It made me feel in control in a world where I ,at times, didn’t understand why some people acted they way they did or did things that were just stupid to me. 

When my Elementary School was told of my autism, they took it pretty well and had put me into a special classroom for other kids who had disabilities like ADHD or Dyslexia. It worked well with me and I rarely had a meltdown in there and I could use my stim toys as long as they weren’t distracting to other kids or teachers.

Elementary School itself wasn’t all that eventful, but then Middle School happened.

… I don’t like to talk about what happened into detail. Mostly because I still feel embarrassed (I know I shouldn’t, but they made me feel that way), and it does make me feel like I am about to have a panic attack.

So here's the short version. I went to the front desk and gave her my paper from my psychologist to state that I needed help to get around and be used to my surrounding. The lady laughed at me and threw the piece of paper away and just gave me my schedule. It also didn’t help that the lady also called me… well, I don’t want to remember. That already gave me enough to have a meltdown. 

I had been called names by kids and adults in public if I was showing the more ‘common traits’ of someone with a mental disability. But my mom was always there to set the record straight. 

Don’t get my mom wrong, she is a sweet woman, she just gets really protective of me and doesn’t like it when others are ignorant, no matter their age or what excuse they have.

But anyways, back to the story. As I was trying to find my class and try and calm myself in some way, I saw a bathroom not too far off and wanted to go in there. I was stopped just a step in front of the bathroom by a overly shrill voice that I can still remember to this day. The teacher asked me what I was doing out of my class in a rather aggressive voice. I learned that when someone sounds like that it meant they were angry. At the time and to this day I still didn’t know what her problem was. She continued to yell and tried to grab me, to which I had a shutdown. 

Typically with me, I do scream for a bit before I just go blank. I don’t faint or go to sleep, but I do sort of shut down in my head and don’t really pay too much attention to my surroundings.

I remembered being on the ground whilst some kids were surrounding me and everyone was loud and screaming. Some kids were concerned, while some others just yelled how I was stupid and should just get up.

At that moment I really wanted my mom. 

But at the same time, I didn’t want her to worry about me too much. I knew that at the time, she was going through some tough times at her work.

Everything went into a blur from then, until my mom was next to me and was quietly talking to me. I was laying on the chairs outside of the principal's office. My mom then pulled out a little rubik's cube that she has had since she herself was younger. She said it brought her luck. 

I played with it for a bit to fully calm down, when my mom asked me what had happened.

My mind went on autopilot to best deal with it. I told her everything that had happened. I even told her that I was sorry for being a bother to her. 

Needless to say my mom did tell me that I wasn’t a annoyance and that she still loves me no matter what. She told me to wait there and that she would be right back as she made her way into the office. 

A couple of years later, my mom told me that the principal had accidentally forgotten to tell the school staff of my disability and that they were coming up with excuses on the fly. My mom didn’t buy any of it and told them all of and that I wasn’t going to be attending that school.

When we got home and had some early lunch, my mom brought up homeschooling and how I could actually take lessons online and that her brother could come by to quickly check on me when she couldn’t work at home.

I thought this was a good idea. 

Over the course of a couple of years, I took my classes online and had even improved my mental state and had learned well enough how to handle most situations on my own, learned how to deal better with meltdowns. My psychologist told me to contact him if I ever needed any help. My mom was very proud of me and we had a little quiet celebration.

My mom would comment sometimes on me maybe joining some activity in town for kids my age, but I always refused to go saying that I wouldn’t get along with anyone there.

When I turned 16, my mom brought up the fact that she was given an opportunity at work to move and work at Nevada. She thought it would be good for a change of scenery.

I agreed and we then started packing when her work gave her the okay.

Moving and packing was stressful to me, but I was able to pull through somehow.

Before I knew it, everything was packed in our house. I had never moved before, so this was really weird to me.

We said our last goodbyes to our house and then made our way to the airport. 

I felt very anxious on the flight and would play with my tangle whenever someone wasn’t looking my way. I also brought some books with me and read them rather quickly.

When we got there and made it to our new house, we were impressed on how good it looked and started to unpack and the movers helped arrange the furniture. 

Once everything was done, me and my mom ordered some pizza since neither of us wanted to either go out or cook.

My mom then a couple of days later brought up the possibility for me to go to the local High School. She had done her research and found out that the school had a really good reputation and has had a rather good track record and even offered students after school help as well. She had even called in to ask what they could offer for me and they told her that the teachers could keep quiet about it and could jump in for me to cover up if I didn’t want others to know. Also, the classrooms from the pictures she saw were not too bright on the color of the walls and that there was plenty of places that were quiet enough for me, something that the school had told my mom on the phone.

I never felt really like it was anyone's business to know that I had autism, unless I was really close so said person and trusted them.

My mom explained that for the couple of years of me being home schooled, it seemed like I had missed out on some great things and wanted the best for me. She told me it was my decision to do it or not.

I gave it a couple of days of thinking. I really did want to have some friends to hang out with from time to time. But at the same time I was afraid that this might end badly for me. But then again I was always told in stories that life has it’s risks. 

When I told my mom that I wanted to attend the school, she looked both relieved and happy.

Going to the school's office and going to get my supplies went by in a blur. The teachers I talked to were rather nice to me and openly listened to my concerns.

Before I knew it, I was in front of the school for my first day. The principal told me that she would have a kid from school show me around for the day. I made my way to the front desk and only getting the occasional quick flashback. I tried calming myself with my spinning ring, it was helping a bit. 

Once I was at the front desk and told the man behind it my name, he gave me my schedule and books and told me to wait there for a moment.

Than a guy came up to me and introduced himself as Shiro and that he was going to be showing me around the school for the day. I later learn that Shiro also is the star baseball player at the school and is one of the best students at the school as well.

I noticed how he had a little scar that went across his nose, and that there was a little white streak on the front of his face, but didn’t comment on it.

He then showed me around and we talked. Well, Shiro did most of the talking and I just listened. We turn out to get along and Shiro wanted to hang out with me more.

That baffled me, but I went along anyways.

Over the week, Shiro introduced me to his friends. 

Allura is the captain of the Volleyball team. She was called the ‘Queen of the Court’ for a reason. She practically ruled over the court and always kept a calm demeanour to her when playing. I felt respect for her when I found out that before she came in, the Volleyball team was practically sinking like the Titanic. We also bonded over our hatred for our History teacher who could not make the subject even a bit interesting.

I was also introduced to Matt and Pidge Holt. Pidge is dating Allura and Matt is dating Shiro. Pidge was someone who could easily read someone rather quickly. That is a skill I wished I knew how to use. I was afraid that they might be able to tell if there was something off with me or not. Pidge was also known by some of the teachers as a smartass, and I have some classes with them and I do admit to laughing at some of the comments I hear from them.

Matt is a bit of a different story. He has a constant burst of wanting to learn and is a bit more extroverted than Pidge. Matt also listened well when I started to rant about this new science fiction book I read.

Overall, the way those two couples showed their affection was almost on the level of the korean soap operas I watch with my mom every sunday (shut up, it’s a tradition).

But then my first PE class came up. 

I was pretty physically fit due to my mom training me in how to best defend myself and having me walk every weekend for some fresh air when the weather wasn’t too bad. So I wasn’t too concerned on that part of PE.

But then I met Lance.

Lance I had heard from a friend of Pidge’s named Hunk. Hunk and Lance had known eachother since they were kids. Hunk was pretty alright, a bit too worrying, but alright. 

Lance… Lance was just something I wasn’t expecting.

I didn’t know if I liked that or not. He was rather loud and would flirt with any girl that he liked. He always wore a sort of confidence on him that seemed a bit off, which at the time I just shrugged off.

When we were playing dodge ball and I was on the opposite team of him. When I had hit him in the arm, he declared us both to be rivals.

I thought he was kidding.

But no, he was dead serious.

I decided to play along, something that Matt, Hunk and Shiro groaned at, but Pidge and Allura were smirking at.

He would make some comments or references I would not get and I would just spit back some comeback that best suited the situation. If that didn’t work, I would just say something in Korean while Lance would say something in Spanish. We would have no idea what the other was saying.

This charade continued until we all decided to hang out and Hunk and Lance were invited.

We had a silent sort of agreement to not ‘fight’ per say as we were at Pidge and Matt’s house and did our homework together. 

We got it done rather quickly and we then went to the arcade. 

This became our tradition of sorts.

Sometimes I could not fully handle the arcade if I have a bad sensory day and can’t stand too bright of lights or noises.

One time, a number of the school came down with a cold of sorts and only me, Lance and Hunk in our group were not sick.

While hanging out at Hunk’s place, Hunk started to sneeze and not feel well. Wanting to not get the cold as well and wanting to give him some peace and quiet, me and Lance left Hunk’s house.

I was expecting us both to go our separate ways home, but then Lance asked me if we could hang out at my place since it’s more quiet than his home. I thought I saw a blush on him, but I brushed it off by simply it being a bit cold outside with winter approaching.

I hadn’t invited anyone to my house, so I was a bit nervous. I made a mental plan to have Lance only in the living room and not in my room to accidentally find my tangles or any of other fidget toys. It didn’t feel right to tell Lance just yet.

Once inside and made ourselves something to drink, I don’t know how, but the next second we were bonding over how horrible sweet popcorn was. 

This continued to our dislike of Math and then to horrible soap operas.

We ended up finishing our homework quickly and watched some of the korean soap operas that we had on DVD.

After that day, me and Lance started to get closer to one another.

And I mean really close.

We had some little jokes that I got and would often do little overdramatic stuff and would laugh at them

Everything was well.

Until I realized I was falling for this guy.

I started to blush whenever he would laugh or smirk at me. Would feel warm around him. And damn it wasn’t helping that I felt jealous whenever he flirted with another girl, but then over time he sort of stopped, which at the time I didn’t know why.

The rest of the group started to notice, but only really Pidge and Hunk really stepped in to do something. They told me to do something about this, as if I hadn’t thought about that. Hunk just told me to just tell Lance so that there wouldn’t be anymore tension.

It was another friday when I was making my way to my locker and thinking how to best tell Lance about my feeling. God I sounded like such a schoolgirl. 

When I opened my locker, I noticed a note was in there.

I recognize that chicken scratch anywhere. It was Lance’s. It said to meet him behind the school during lunchtime and that he had something to tell me.

At first I was confused. Why didn’t Lance just come to me personally or just call me since he has my number.

But then it hit me.

What if he knew.

Oh god no!

That was the last thing I wanted him to know.

I then for the rest of the day until I had to meet up with Lance realize how much better he would be with someone else.

I was just some weird kid who often didn’t get references, had difficulties understanding some normal little hints that people give to others, had meltdowns on days when my schedule didn’t go as I wanted, would get anxiety over sometimes the smallest of things.

I just couldn’t stop thinking about anything other than my fears until I met up with Lance.

It all seemed like a blur and once I reached to the back of the school, Lance was already there and was blushing.

I wasn’t expecting that.

We were silent until I asked him why he wanted to talk to me, trying to sound as calm as possible.

Lance then said that he had fallen for me. That he was starting to blush and love it when I smiled and how he would notice small things about me and would love them.

What.

That was the only word in my head at the moment.

I then began to yell at Lance for making me having practically a heart attack worrying that he might not like me.

He then laughed and I was pretty pissed seeing him laugh over my worries. 

But then the held my hand and asked me shyly to be his boyfriend. 

Needless to say we spend the rest of lunch behind the school and just talked.

We both agreed to take it slowly and to just enjoy ourselves. I was pretty surprised on how serious Lance took this, but it probably shows how mature Lance can be.

When us and the gang hung out later, we had already agreed to come out to the group.

Once announcing we were dating, Pidge was collection money from everyone while telling us congrads. Lance started to laugh his ass off, I joined in a second.

Since then, me and Lance had some small dates with one another and overtime became more physically affectionate, which was great since I often had no idea how to tell Lance how I felt and just in general sucked at expalining myself into words.

We also both confessed and shared some things.

Lance both loved his family, but at times just feared that he would lose them all someday and how he would want to stay with his family and help out. I confided that I sometimes wondered where and what my dad was doing and if he would be proud of me. Me and my mom never knew where my dad was or if he even was alive.

I then started to realize that I wanted to not only tell Lance, but to our friends that I was autistic. They had really shown me to trust them. I felt safe with them, something I hadn’t felt with too many people at once in quite some time.

That didn’t mean I was any less afraid though.

But I promised to tell them this Saturday.

Friday came and, needless to say, I felt over stimulated. I went to the bathrooms several times to stimulate for a bit by rocking back and forth in one of the stalls and flapping my hands. I hadn’t brought any of my stim toys due to being late and I didn’t think that I wanted to walk around school halls with a tangle in hand.

I was rather quiet during lunch. Allura and Shiro had asked me if I was alright. I just shrugged off and simply said I had a bit of a headache. I hoped that would give them a hint to not do anything too loud that day.

But I guess kcuk wasn’t on my side.

Because right after school, Allura and Matt dragged me to the mall instead to one of their houses. 

No, I did not want this.

They said that they wanted me to have a good time.

I guess they read my headache as ‘I’m feeling rather down, can we do something today?’.

Damn it.

I hated malls when I felt over stimulated. They were always too bright, too loud, there were always too many people and smelled horrible to me.

I didn’t want to throw a ‘fit’ or anything to my friends, otherwise they would most likely not want to ever talk to me.

And Lance…

Oh god Lance!

What would he say? 

Would he hate me for not being what he wanted, not like the fact that I had meltdowns, the fact that I loved the feeling of heavy books on my back which he would think was weird-

Needless to say, I feel into a shutdown. Like I did in Middle School.

Right in the middle of a public street.

In front of my own friends.

This caused me to also have a panic attack as well and I started to cry and shake.

I felt someone pick em up and quickly making their way somewhere before I blacked out.

The next thing I know, I am at Shiro’s house. I could tell by the texture of the couch and blanket over me. My shoes were off and my jacket was off. I was in a comfortable position and had my eyes closed and heard some muttering in the kitchen, which was next to the living room.

I couldn’t fully make out what they were saying, but I could tell they were talking about me.

I just layed there and then slowly open my eyes and looked around.

I looked to my right and saw Lance sitting on the ground and faced towards the window.

I knew I had to tell them now, no excuses.

“I was diagnosed with autism when I was 5.”

That surprised Lance I guess and he quickly spun around to face me. He looked like he had been crying, I will ask him about that later.

I decided to continue since he was listening and everyone in the kitchen was quiet.

“I didn’t have any friends before I met you guys. I just never got along with anyone around my age. My mom first thought that it had something to do with me having no father figure in my life, so we went to a child’s psychologist who diagnosed me.”

I look at Lance and over to the kitchen and see how they were slowly approaching me, a way of asking if it was alright. I nobbed and continued.

“I remember trying to figure out the more simple things in life, but found them to be too hard at times. I had dealt with strangers and teachers calling me all sorts of names while growing up. My mom always taught me that I just simply had a different wiring in my head and that nothing was wrong with me.”

I feel Lance looking at me and turned to him and looked at him.

“I wanted to tell you guys, but I had never felt the need to tell you guys to be honest. I was afraid that you guys would leave me for being like this. For having shutdowns when you want to try and cheer me up for seeming to feel down. For at times not getting why something was funny. For wanting to have a schedule to keep calm and feel in control. For hating really bright lights or really loud noises. I thought you guys would end up finding me to be too annoying and wanting to leave me. And christ Lance! I-I d-d-don’t th-hink I coul-ld have t-that-”

I was cut off by Lance hugging me. I hadn’t noticed I was crying until I looked over his shoulder and noticed how blurry my vision was. 

“Is this alright?”, Lance asked me.

I could really speak, so I just nobbed.

“Okay. Now Keith, listen to me well. I don’t care that you have autism. So, you have a brain that works differently, we can work with it and still have a awesome time. We can still do stuff together as a group. You just have to tell us how you are feeling and we will work around it. We can all do that and ask one another if you would like to. Sure you have shutdowns and meltdowns, but we will be here. I will be here. We can explain to you why something is funny if you don’t get it. Also, we will never find you annoying. And Keith, goddamn do I love you. No matter how many times you may cuss at me in korean or how you cannot properly pronounce a spanish word to save your life, I love being around you. I love hearing your opinion on things. Trust me when I say, none of us will leave you. And I sure as hell even in death will not leave you, knowing you would go and find my spirit yourself and drag me back to my body.”

...I had no idea what to say.

Nothing, nothing is coming to mind at the moment, which made me frustrated. I then heard someone behind me shuffling for something. I felt Lance reaching his and out and then showing me what he was holding.

It was a rubik’s cube. I had seen it in Shiro’s house. He said his dad had been trying to solve it for the past 10 or so years.

“It’s a bit old, but I thought you might want to mess with it for a bit.”

I gladly took it and started to move it in my hand.

I felt slowly calmer and calmer.

Lance then pulled away and kissed me on my forehead.

“Also, if you ever feel like stimming, go ahead!”

“How do you know what stimming is?”

I was genuinely curious. How did Lance know that word?

“Well remember my aunt? She also works with kids with special needs and would often tell me what they did and would just teach me incase I would want to take on a job like that. I do want you to feel comfortable around us Keith. If you aren’t fully ready, than don’t worry, we can slowly work on it of you would like and mayb- mmhhh!”

I cut Lance off by kissing him.

Sure he have kissed in the past, but this felt different. I felt safe with him fully. It felt like a boulder fell off of my back. I hugged Lance and we parted the kiss.

“Thank you Lance. And all of you guys.”, I said when I turned around.

“Pfff, thanks for finally noticing us here as well, mullet man.”, Pidge said with very obvious sarcasm. The others laugh and start to joke around. 

Shiro walked up to me and didn’t say anything. He just held my left shoulder since Lance was on my right and smiled at me. I knew he was trying to say ‘thank you for being honest with us’. 

As Shiro walked over to the others, I look down at Lance, who was smiling and looking at me.

“Can I pepper you with kisses?”, he asks me.

I blush a bit and nob with a little smile.

Lance then proceeded to pepper me with kisses as we sank down from the couch onto the carpeted floor where we kissed one another slowly.

Sure we had a long way to go, but I felt so good right now and nothing could break that.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay to quickly explain why I wrote this fic, I wanted to write something with Keith again and found the Autism headcanon to be interesting. 
> 
> I myself have recently discovered that I am autistic myself, so I took this as a somewhat therapy session of sorts.
> 
> I could probably write more here, but I am so tired so just give me questions in the comments.


End file.
